Sometimes I feel like life is just like a dream. It can be a sweet dream at some point but yet, an nightmare suddenly. The only differents is that, if life is an nightmare, you can never be able to wake up from it. But the good point is, you are able to make your life to a sweetdream. Yet dream is smth you cannot control.

And yes, finally my nightmare with Alvin had ended for aboout 5 mths now. Or maybe more then that. I just cant seems to remember it clearly. As what most of the people says, you will only remember the bad times and not the good times well. Which is why i cant remember how long I had live without the presence of him. All seems like a dream to me. And its turning itself to a sweetdream now.

It's 4am in the morning. I just cant get to sleep. Ever since i broke up with Alvin, i am afraid to sleep in the dark. The bed seems so spacious now. And my pillow seems so little. I kinda miss the hug i always get when I hop into my queen size bed with him in it. Feel cold now without his arm around me. But this is the decisions that i had make. And i must bear through it.

I miss the maggie mee he cook..
I miss how he hug me..
I miss how he hold me in his arm..
But ultimately, i miss my freedom before I am with him.

What should i do when i feel lousy? I already tried eating steamboat as usual. But this time alround, it does not work. It's just like taking a lift up high floor at a high speed.. My heart sinked.

I dont want to leave where I am standing now. But then again, do i have a choice? Even if i do have a choice, do i have what it takes to protect what i want and the person I loved? Am I up to the standard I think I have?