today, i broke my heart again. it had been 9 months when i first got together with him. and ever since i know him, i cannot remember the days my pillows are dry. i am really tired of everything. i have done everything i can as a girlfriend. i wait for him to finish work. even if he is having ot without telling me. i cook for him no matter how tired i am. and i thought about him before i plan my schedule. i make myself free almost everytime he is free. but he just doesnt have any spare time
for me. i tolerate anything he scold me, his smoking habit and his suspicious behaviour of having another girl outside. and he just treated me like trash. i have nothing to say. and i have no more tears to shed. it's so tiring when we both know. we both know that this relationship wont work out. what are we holding on for? because he's too old to get another girlfried? he is too lazy to say the word break?
or is it just me? hoping him to change back what he once was, a perfect boyfriend. just like how i am holding on to the unfit ring he gave me. clinging on so tight. using so much energy to keep it loosing out. i have no more energy to do all this.. i am hurt all over. physically and mentaly. is there any float to hold on to?

hey, anyone? can anyone save me from this...?

yes Yes YES! my blog revived!! i bought a new laptop! yeah!! and i got my internet up and running!(double yeah!)people wont know the excitment of getting the lappy and internet up and running! i just have no fate in having internet at home. either my router broke down and i have to secretly tag my neighbour internet connection or my lappy broke down when i sign up for mobile boardband. argh! it's so fustrating.

anyway, after the big dream talk in my previous entry, i really think that dreams is a very unbelievable thing. almost all my friends are in the career industry now after graduated from tertiary school life. and of course, there are some who seek further study. and i find that all of us has gone into career that we least expect us to go. like for example me, i have change my job (yes, again), and working in a engineering company. yes! three cheers for bidding goodbye from long working hours, irregular meals, working on holidays & weekends, attitude customers and low leave days!

and cheers to kitmun who "take over" my dream to work as a nurse and work for almost 2 years. lol! the most unexpected friend who became a nurse. yes, the once so fierce and attitude kitmun. and she still is! and obviously, she, too, also never dream about being a nurse. jess, my primary school friend, became a property agent. and friend who became a gym instructor.

anyway, earning money is more important than dreams. so yea.

a blog that supposingly to be pulished on the may of 5..:

my blog have been dead for almost half a year. too busy to blog with my current job. and my laptop had been spoil ever since i quit my last job. the talk about buying a new laptop have been going on for months and i end up saving up for an oversea trip rather then getting a laptop.

time passes fast. and i had already graduated from secondary for more then 3 years. realising it only when i finally able to go for my break time, sitting on a toilet bowl in the toilet cubicle. thinking about how all of us had been talking about our future, our ambition, our dream & career. but when now is the future that we had been talking about since young, is this the future we talked about and dreamed about? i remember i once wrote about a composition in mother tounge class. the topic is "ambition". and i wrote about how i wanted to become a nurse(no kidding!. but now,i am a gradute engineer and i am a sales assistence in a store that name is not even under me. is this wat a dream is all about? but of course, when i grow up, being a nurse is not my dream anymore. as working under government, having shift work and fighting off virus at front line is not included in my so call dreams. lol. but working as a sales assistence? never in my dream before.