there are so many people who love me for who i am. why am i ruining my life by being together with a guy like this. i guy who cause me misery. the only guy who make me cried in front of ppl. a guy that make me lost my way in life. a guy that trash me. a guy that change me from who i use to be. i shall not regret knowing him. i shall not regret breaking up with him. it's just myself to blame for everything. i cant blame anyone. the tears.. that i had not yet shed in front of my family since 12. he make me shed in front of them. he pushed me to my limit that i think i had lost myself. who i really were. the girl who fear nothing and the girl who always enjoyed her days in all her 20 years. until he came into my life. he crush the very last bit of standing ground for me and i am leave tangling in the middle of no where.. not knowing where should i go and who should i lean on. i need a rope. i need someone. i need a space to breath and i need audrey from year 2008. anyone, please find her for me please.................

i remember when we were young, happiness can be found so easily, so within reached, so easily contented. even the slightest thing we saw, we get, can get us happy for the entire day or even week. looking back to now, life is never contented. humans are hard to please.

i also recall one of my primary school mate telling me something about life, that we are always lacking something in our life: when we are young, we have youth, we have time, but we dont have money. when we are adult, we have youth, we have money, but we dont have time as we are working. when we became old, we have time, we have money, but we have no more youth to enjoy. after he said that, i am very much agree with it.

i feel so shag now and my brian cant even think probably what i want or have to write. and i think that this entry might seems to look a bit monotone. argh.. major hangover.

went to puiluan's birthday and after a few rounds of mahjong and poker, we decided to walk over to the nearby store and grap some drinks. and it seems like normal convenient store like econ or 7-11 doesnt sell tequila. like duh.. so we decided to settle on mild drinks like jim beam cola and some ulo brands that i didnt heard of. and trust me, the jim beam suck. by the time we finish our drinks and ben send us home, it's already 2 am. (dont feel like using the word "already", but i have no life after working office job..)

to make it even more worse by reaching home at 2am, i have to wake up at 8 in the morning the next day. alright.. i know i still can sleep for another 7 whole hours. but i need at least a 10 hours of sleep. (i admit i am pig)meet up with ite friends for gathering. well, actually it's not a gathering initially. but it somehow ended up like that. *audrey shrug. and i just feel tt if i have not go for it, none of the things would have happen. if people are unappreciated, let them be. it will just spoil your wonderful days by thinking about it and pondering about it.

after the gathering dinner, kx, eugene, shouxiang, kok, edric and me went to alph cafe for a 3 in 1 entertainment. soccer, ktv and drinks. lol. nice recommendation by kok. had a long island tea and sex on the alph (an imitation of sec on the beach but in cocktail size). small contradict about the long island tea. kok thinks that it taste like ice lemon tea, my our dear kx thinks it taste nothing at all like tea. "it's a mixture of all liquor!! eww~!" says kx. lol! back home at about 2 plus again. nobodies at home and i took out the leftover vodka to finish it. dang~ that's how the major hangover comes about. stupid. slept 4am, wakes up 6am.

P.S:
people who cant live their live without a lie in it is pathetic. i cant see why you have to lie about small matter. for the sake of fun? to make your life or story sounds more interesting? i really, really,really x infinite, hate people who tell different stories to different people. and why? what happen? why do you like every stuff tat we like when you are in front of us, but yet, in front of others, the things that you love became hate? oh, let me guess, to suit the different taste of others? you are such a bootlicker. you disgust me. and dont say i gave you attitude when you are the one who started all these crap and disgusting moves. and let me tell you something, dont say you have depression when you dont. stop being a drama queen and stop thinking that the world had owe you something. maybe you do have depression. that's why you like to think up so much stories. to think that you are an
unfortunate princess who falls into a world full of evil people and step sisters. you are such a joke. i never had anyone in my life that disgust me more then you do.
and please, dont piss people off and says that people are giving you attitude. and you thought that all the people have attitude problem. but have you ever thought that the person who have a attitude problem is you? i admit and i, myself have attitude problem. but i think you have both attitude and character problem. but then, i want to let you know,i dont hate you, i hate your moves. i really dont hate you, you just disgust me. that's all. =)

today, i broke my heart again. it had been 9 months when i first got together with him. and ever since i know him, i cannot remember the days my pillows are dry. i am really tired of everything. i have done everything i can as a girlfriend. i wait for him to finish work. even if he is having ot without telling me. i cook for him no matter how tired i am. and i thought about him before i plan my schedule. i make myself free almost everytime he is free. but he just doesnt have any spare time
for me. i tolerate anything he scold me, his smoking habit and his suspicious behaviour of having another girl outside. and he just treated me like trash. i have nothing to say. and i have no more tears to shed. it's so tiring when we both know. we both know that this relationship wont work out. what are we holding on for? because he's too old to get another girlfried? he is too lazy to say the word break?
or is it just me? hoping him to change back what he once was, a perfect boyfriend. just like how i am holding on to the unfit ring he gave me. clinging on so tight. using so much energy to keep it loosing out. i have no more energy to do all this.. i am hurt all over. physically and mentaly. is there any float to hold on to?

hey, anyone? can anyone save me from this...?

yes Yes YES! my blog revived!! i bought a new laptop! yeah!! and i got my internet up and running!(double yeah!)people wont know the excitment of getting the lappy and internet up and running! i just have no fate in having internet at home. either my router broke down and i have to secretly tag my neighbour internet connection or my lappy broke down when i sign up for mobile boardband. argh! it's so fustrating.

anyway, after the big dream talk in my previous entry, i really think that dreams is a very unbelievable thing. almost all my friends are in the career industry now after graduated from tertiary school life. and of course, there are some who seek further study. and i find that all of us has gone into career that we least expect us to go. like for example me, i have change my job (yes, again), and working in a engineering company. yes! three cheers for bidding goodbye from long working hours, irregular meals, working on holidays & weekends, attitude customers and low leave days!

and cheers to kitmun who "take over" my dream to work as a nurse and work for almost 2 years. lol! the most unexpected friend who became a nurse. yes, the once so fierce and attitude kitmun. and she still is! and obviously, she, too, also never dream about being a nurse. jess, my primary school friend, became a property agent. and friend who became a gym instructor.

anyway, earning money is more important than dreams. so yea.

a blog that supposingly to be pulished on the may of 5..:

my blog have been dead for almost half a year. too busy to blog with my current job. and my laptop had been spoil ever since i quit my last job. the talk about buying a new laptop have been going on for months and i end up saving up for an oversea trip rather then getting a laptop.

time passes fast. and i had already graduated from secondary for more then 3 years. realising it only when i finally able to go for my break time, sitting on a toilet bowl in the toilet cubicle. thinking about how all of us had been talking about our future, our ambition, our dream & career. but when now is the future that we had been talking about since young, is this the future we talked about and dreamed about? i remember i once wrote about a composition in mother tounge class. the topic is "ambition". and i wrote about how i wanted to become a nurse(no kidding!. but now,i am a gradute engineer and i am a sales assistence in a store that name is not even under me. is this wat a dream is all about? but of course, when i grow up, being a nurse is not my dream anymore. as working under government, having shift work and fighting off virus at front line is not included in my so call dreams. lol. but working as a sales assistence? never in my dream before.

i feel like a bloody fool waiting alone in somewhere i least familiar. And he is happily eating at somewhere alre now. i am freaking tired of every moment i spend with him. Should i end everything?

yea!! i found a new job! i found a new job!! i am so excited!~ getting rid of my disgusting work place and boss is the most happiest thing that happen to me in this month~ woohoo! and WUIHAO! yes you! i work as a sale person and i dun need to sacrifice my hair. lol!
but.. boowoo for leaving my best working mate in suntec. sob.. T.T the one and only reason that keep me working in this lousy environment(apart from the salary).. and i am so gonna miss tingyun for all the good food that i had eaten with her. argh.. and lynn for telling me all those exciting stories. jasmine for complaining all the customers with me. jayner for given me fashion site to surf and aunty annie for all those life stories. lol. argh.. miss them miss them miss them!! expecially the food part. lol!! i am so gonna bored-to-death at my new working place with them.
sign.. goodbye suntec, goodbye all working mates, goodbye all the good foods...

argh.. been busy thinking of changing a job and i simply got no time to blog. searching for jobs online had taken up too much of my surfing time. -_-

bad boss, bad pay, bad job.. recently i have been thinking, should i find a job that has more prominent and bright future job. a more stable and more regular timing job. ARGH! just any job that is better than this. i start to consider whether i should work office job but.. just the thought of sitting there staring at the computor the whole day, make me feel sick. making money is never an easy job(unless you work for the government, printing money..), but finding a job that one like and suitable is harder than i thought.